Wow. First of all, thank you for being here. The deep and abstract wording that tends to arrive in my work has been missing; I’m OK with that. I’ve been healing.
PAUSE. THANK Y'ALL FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES! BIG 31 ENERGY. BIG GEMINI ENERGY. BIG BOSS. BIG JOB. YEAH. WASSUP. NOT HUMBLE. BUT HUMBLE AS HELL.
Anway, back to the healing part.
The last life update I gave you was me transitioning out of my job as a Youth Director. The saints were acting crazy, and well……it all came crumbling down. Read, “Unclenching Your Fist” to fully understand where my headspace was. Fast forward 8 months, I’m here. And wow, it's been a journey.
SN: Sorry that I keep saying, “Wow.” Ya boy just tends to be shocked at the way God unfolds my life. I’m just here living. I don’t mind sharing what I’ve learned along the way. In fact, it’s my purpose to share as I grow.
Over the past eight months, I’ve been struggling. Struggling to remain steadfast. Struggling to unclench my fist. Struggling to let God have total control. I love control. If I’m in control, things won’t go too terribly. At least that's what I tell myself. Completely wrong. In fact, that’s probably what made this last transition so hard. For some reason, being steadfast isn’t a skill that's taught.
They just teach you to pray.
But what happens when you don’t have the words. The emotional capacity to endure. Or enough strength to put that work behind the faith. They don't discuss that part. They teach you to create your own lane. To take what you can get. To low-ball yourself. To not wait on anyone, including God. That concept of waiting on God isn't tangible enough for most people.
I felt the judgement.
But I waited anyway. I could barely even gather enough strength to address God some days. It was a consistent fight with my flesh. Most day’s the agony would win, but I kept my faith, committing to never let my heart break. These last eight months I learned how to unclench my fist again. I learned how to focus on doing MY PART, well. Sometimes we tend to worry about God's part in this as if we could do the job.
I still can barely explain the depth of my story. I live each day in awe of how things happen. What I will say is I NEVER SEE IT COMING. I just wait. I just unclench my fist and wait. Sometimes we don’t have to know the answer. The pathway. Or even the trajectory. We must just wait, and sit in communion with God figuring out how to do OUR PART well. Sometimes that means waiting. That means allowing yourself to be refined and polished for this new season of work. Sometimes rest isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes waiting should to be equated to resting.
I don’t know who this is for, but keep waiting. Stay steadfast. You don’t have to have the answers. Sometimes God needs you to be receptive, so he sits you still.........Making you unclench your fist.
Not so you can let go of old things. But so he can prepare you for the new ones.
Here’s to letting go, and letting God…….. Again! Repetitively. My only advice, "KEEP GROWING, FAM."
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